Harry's Creek
by Samantha
Summary: A parody of soap operas like Dawson's Creek
1. Episode One

A/N: Hey! I love the idea of a Harry Potter soap opera so I'm going to write one. Actually, it's not really a soap opera, it's a parody of the typical teen soap opera like Dawson's Creek. No offense was meant to DC or anything, ok? So don't sue me for making fun of your show. Actually, there's no relevance between DC and Harry's Creek except that in HC there's a creek behind Hogwarts. That's it though. There are a lot of characters, so I've divided them into major and minor characters. I have yet to give the teachers characters, so these are just the students. Well, enjoy! 

On the WB (Wizards Broadcasting) New Wednesday Night: At 8:00- the pilot of the new drama, Harry's Creek. Love, danger, and hate awaits a English boarding school. From the producers of Buffy the Muggle Slayer and 7th Hogwarts. 

Then at nine: a new Roswell. Alien Max Evens and muggle Liz Parker are faced with yet another reason to keep them apart, then the gang goes on yet another escapade to find out who the aliens are. 

And now, Harry's Creek. 

Harry's Creek Cheat Sheet! 

Main Characters (In alphabetical order) 

*Brown, Lavender- 6th year, Gryffindor. Lavender is very spoiled, selfish and immature. She has a love/hate relationship with Ron. One week, they're going out, the next they've broken up. 

*Chang, Cho- 7th year, Ravenclaw. Cho is the kind of girl the men love and women hate. She is by far the prettiest girl at Hogwarts so all the guys want to date her. She is downright mean and cold. She's dating Harry currently, not because she likes him but for his fame and popularity. 

*Granger, Hermione- 6th year, Gryffindor. Hermione is brilliant, slightly bossy, uptight, and hates to break the rules. She's a perfectionist. She's become very pretty in the last few years, but not a knockout. She's kind of going out with Ernie Macmillan, but really isn't committing because she's in love with Harry. 

*Malfoy, Draco- 6th year, Slytherin. He's mean, spoiled rotten, and will do anything is his power to annoy the Gryffindors, especially Harry, Ron, Hermione. 

*Potter, Harry- 6th year, Gryffindor. Harry is kind of naïve and doesn't realize how Cho takes advantage of him. He's determined, brave, and smart. 

*Weasley, Ginny- 5th year, Gryffindor. Ginny is very sweet and naïve. She's become very pretty. She's basically gotten over her obsession with Harry, but the fact that he did not like her back did not leave her with much self-confidence. She is constantly strung along by both Seamus and Dean. 

*Weasley, Ron- 6th year, Gryffindor. Ron is pretty nice, with a very hot temper. He thinks he's in love with Lavender but cannot stand how selfish she is. He sometimes goes out with Hannah when he breaks up with Lavender. Ron is very mad with Seamus and Dean about the way they treat Ginny and is continuously in fights. 

Minor Characters (In alphabetical order) 

*Abbot, Hannah- 6th year, Hufflepuff. She's nice, kind, and sometimes goes out with Ron. She really likes Terry Boot though. 

*Boot, Terry- 6th year, Ravenclaw. Knows Hannah likes him and uses her for it. 

*Crabbe- 6th year, Slytherin. Stupid Malfoy sidekick. 

*Finnigan, Seamus- 6th year, Gryffindor. Full of himself, uses Ginny. 

*Finch-Fletchley, Justin- 6th year, Hufflepuff. Really nice, but really immature. He really likes Hermione. 

*Goyle- 6th year, Slytherin. Another Stupid Malfoy sidekick 

*Longbottom, Neville- 6th year, Gryffindor. Neville is really nice but a bit forgetful. 

*Macmillan, Ernie- 6th year, Hufflepuff. He's dating Hermione, but is secretly in love with Alison Pratts. 

*Parkinson, Pansy- 6th year, Slytherin. Pansy is in love with Draco. 

*Patil, Parvati- 6th year, Gryffindor. Parvati is Lavender's sidekick. 

*Peterson, Michael- 5th year, Gryffindor. One of Ginny's best friends. 

*Pratts, Alison- 7th year, Ravenclaw. Cho's evil sidekick. She's really pretty too, but not quite as evil, but she comes close. 

*Thomas, Dean- 6th year, Gryffindor. Pressured into using Ginny by Seamus, but really and truly likes her. 

*Vaca, Alexis- 5th year, Gryffindor. One of Ginny's best friends. 

Me: Got that? Good. Now back to the show. 

(Opening credits: A Quidditch match with "I don't want to wait" by Paula Cole" in the background.) 

The Gryffindor common room was full of people. Hermione was sitting by the fire reading in her Charms book, Ron was in a corner fighting with Lavender, Harry was off at Quidditch practice, and Ginny was sitting down on the couch trying to do homework with Seamus flirting with her. Just another Monday night. The weekend had gone quickly, especially with their trip to Hogsmeade. Their classes had dragged on for longer than humanly possible. Everyone was exhausted, even their teachers. Hagrid had let them out fifteen minutes early just to be rid of them. Hermione put down her book and tried to eavesdrop Ron and Lavender's argument, but the two had lowered their voices. Bored, Hermione wandered over to Ginny. 

"Hey Ginny," Hermione greeted Ginny. 

"Hey," Ginny answered, without looking up from her book. Hermione leaned in to see what it was. Diviniation. Hermione was so glad that she had dropped that class her third year. Actually, sometimes she wished she still took it. It would be nice to read people's minds sometimes. 

"How are you?" Hermione asked. 

"I'm great!" came a voice behind Hermione. She jumped out of her seat in surprise. 

"Harry!" she cried. "You scared me!" 

"Sorry." He appologized. "What's up with Ron and Lavender? Are they fighting again?" 

"Uh huh." 

"I don't know why he puts up with her. He really could do better." Harry frowned. 

"You're one to talk." Hermione snapped. Harry sighed. 

"Herm, I know you don't like her, but really, it's none of your buisness what goes on between me and Cho." 

"Then it's none of your buisness what goes on between Ron and Lavender is it?" Hermione glared at him. Harry sighed and gave up. Hermione didn't mean to be so mean, but it just annoyed her to death that Harry was going out with Cho. 

"You guys are so funny," laughed Ginny. "I am going to miss you guys so much when you go off and leave me when I'm a seventh year." 

"That's two years away Ginny," Hermione pointed out. 

"Well, I think about the future a lot. What's going to happen to us?" Ginny thought out loud. Harry and Hermione were both taking a minute to think this over, when Ron stormed over to them. 

"Can you believe her," Ron exclaimed. "Can you believe her? She wants me to take her to all these resteraunts and buy her all these things, and when I say I can't, she gets all huffy and breaks up with me!" 

"For the billionth time," Harry commented with a grin. 

"You are not funny," Ron said. "I'm just mad. Hey, Harry, when did you get in? How was practice?" 

"Exhausting," Harry answered with a yawn. "I'm actually going to bed." 

"Good night Harry," Hermione called out. 

"I'm going too," Ron said and left. 

"You really like him, don't you?" Ginny asked. 

"Well, do you like Seamus or Dean?" Hermione asked. 

"Yeah." 

"Which one?" 

"I really don't know Hermione. I'm going to bed too. I cannot get a straight answer out of you! Agh!" Ginny grinned and left. 

Hermione looked around. The only other person in the common room was a crying Lavender. Hermione didn't feel like comforting her so she too went off to sleep. 

Authors Note: Thanks for reading. This was kind of rushed, so sorry! I'll probably have part two out next week sometimes because I have a four day weekend next week! Oh yeah! If anyone has ideas for future episodes, PLEASE email me. When you review, DON'T FLAME ME!!! Everyone hates those. If you feel the need to be rude go yell outside but do NOT take your anger out on me. Ok, now for the disclaimer: Dawson's Creek, Roswell, Max Evens and Liz Parker are owned by the WB. They don't belong to me. Harry and Co. belongs to J.K. Rowling, Scholastic, and Bloomsbery. The only people who belong to me are Alison Pratts, Michael Peterson, and Alexis Vaca. I know this because I made them up. 


	2. Episode Two

On the WB (Wizards Broadcasting) New Wednesday Night: At 8:00- a new Harry's Creek. A new girl threatens Hermione and Cho. To what lengths will they go to keep her down? 

Then at nine: a new Roswell. Alien Max Evans and muggle Liz Parker are faced with yet another reason to keep them apart, then the gang goes on yet another escapade to find out who the aliens are. Guest star: Britney Spears *gag* 

And now, Harry's Creek. 

Episode Two: New Girl Blues 

(Opening Credits: Harry and Co. to "I don't want to wait" by Paula Cole) 

This show is brought to you by: The Gap, cool clothes for all witches and wizards. 

Professor Snape was in a horrendous mood. Slytherin was a hundred points behind Gryffindor for the house cup. And the Quidditch final was still three months ahead! Things were definitely looking down. So Snape cheered himself up by giving out extra homework and a very difficult pop-quiz. 

"Can you believe him!" Ron yelled when they were out of earshot. "That really ticks me off!" 

"Ron!" Hermione criticized him with a laugh. "Well, it was really mean of him." 

"Mean! That was torture!" Harry cried. "My grades did not need that quiz! I'm not doing that well without it!" 

"Well Hermione doesn't care. She's already got perfect grades and probably got full marks on that quiz." Ron said with disgust. 

"Ron! I do to care and didn't want to take that quiz!" Hermione yelled. "And I'm not perfect." 

"Close enough," Harry mumbled. Hermione sighed. Boys were so exasperating sometimes. 

*** 

By lunchtime, everyone was fuming over Snape's quiz. He even gave the first years the fourth year quiz, which they couldn't answer. 

"Hermione aced it." Harry commented. 

"I did not. We didn't even get the test scores back," Hermione argued. 

"Personally, I think you did," Cho said. "What would you have better to do than study? You're boyfriend's a joke, you're not pretty, and you really are not talented at sports. You're useless." 

Hermione felt her face turn red in anger. She was usually immune to Cho's insults, but today she touched a nerve. "Really, Cho, you're one to talk. I doubt you even passed potions." 

"Nerd," Cho hissed. 

"Airhead," Hermione said. 

"Loser." 

"Cho, you need a shirt that says, 'brain on vacation. Permanently'. As a warning." 

"Oh, don't even pretend you're not jealous of me," Cho put her hands on her waist. 

"Jealous? It's called pity Cho." 

Their argument would have lasted longer had it not been for Professor McGonagall who stood up in front of the Great Hall next to a unfamiliar girl and tried to get everyone's attention. 

"Students, uhem, students?" She said. No one was listening. The girl then stuck two fingers in her mouth and whistled loudly. The hall became silent and everyone looked over at McGonagall. "Thank you. I have an announcement. This is Natalie Gellar, a new student. She's a sixth year in Gryffindor, and I expect everyone to make her at home. Thank you." She reported and showed the girl where to sit. The girl walked towards Harry and Hermione. 

"Hey, I'm Natalie," she said. She had bright blue eyes and shoulder length blonde hair that curled under perfectly. She was absolutely gorgeous and perfect. She was about five four, had a great body, and looked like the angels you see in picture books. Hermione felt a pang of envy flow through her body. Glancing over at Cho, who had her lips tightly pressed together and whose face had gone very pale, Hermione guessed she felt the same way. 

"I'm Ron," Ron said with a smile. "This is Harry, Hermione, Cho, Lavender, Seamus, Dean, my sister Ginny, Alison Pratts, and Neville. Where're you from?" (A/N: For more info on Alison, since she wasn't in the books, see the Harry's Creek Cheat Sheet in Part One.) 

"California. In the United States." Natalie smiled. Her teeth were perfect too. 

"California. They're all blondes out there, right? They just play volleyball all day and have no brains." Cho commented. 

"You would know," Hermione remarked. 

"How long have you lived here? I notice you don't have much of an American accent," Harry asked with a smile. Hermione felt her stomach sink. If Natalie and Cho were her competition, she was up a creek without a paddle. (Harry's Creek! Hehe) 

"Not long. About a week. I used to live in London when I was a kid, until about five years ago when my mom got transferred to San Francisco." Natalie said. 

"They have earthquakes there, don't they?" Ginny asked. 

"Yep. I was in a really bad one last year. It was really scary. My entire neighborhood was hit pretty bad." 

"Oh goodness, that's awful!" Lavender exclaimed. 

"Are you a pure-blood or a mudblood?" asked a voice behind them. It was Malfoy. 

"Half-blood. I'm Natalie, who're you?" She asked. 

"Draco Malfoy," Malfoy looked at her. "You're the new girl?" 

"I guess so. It's nice to meet you," Natalie said. 

"Whatever," he said and walked off. 

"That's just Malfoy, you'll learn to ignore him," Harry smiled. "Come and sit down." 

"Thanks," Natalie grinned and pulled up a chair. "I really like Hogwarts so far. My grandmother went here, about sixty five years ago. She moved to the US after graduating, then she had my mom. They didn't move back until I was born." 

"Really, you're grandmother went here? So did mine!" Ron exclaimed. "Maybe they met each other. What house was she in?" 

"Gryffindor," Natalie said. Just then Hermione looked at her watch. 

"It's time for Transfiguration," Hermione remarked. They all got up at the same time. 

"Ow!" Natalie cried. Harry had accidentally smacked her with his elbow. 

"I'm so sorry Natalie, are you ok?" He asked with concern. Hermione felt her muscles stiffen. 

"Yeah I'm fine," Natalie grinned. "Thanks for asking." 

"Hermione," Cho said. "Hold up. I want to talk to you for a minute." 

Cho wanted to talk to her? "Sure, what about?" 

"You know the new girl?" 

"Yeah." 

"Ok, Hermione, I'm going to be rash with you. I know you like Harry, it's rather obvious, but that's not my point. Look at them." She said pointing. Natalie and Harry were walking off, talking and laughing. 

"Does someone feel threatened?" Hermione grinned. 

"Not funny. Look, I don't really mind competing against you, because you're no contest, really. But her…" 

"What are you getting at?" 

"I think we should do something that makes sure Harry doesn't like her. Hermione, you don't want extra competition, now do you?" 

"Not really," Hermione said, confused. "What are you going to do?" 

"Just play a little prank. But I need your help. And I thought you might be willing. Are you?" 

"That's really mean. She's new." 

"She's also a threat to everything we hold dear. You saw her. Her perfect blonde hair. Her legs. God I would die to have those legs. She would demolish life as we know it." 

"Isn't that a bit overboard?" 

"Not really, Hermione. You saw how every guy wanted her. I mean, they were totally ignoring me and I'm not used to that. I'm sure you are, but not me. That's new to me. Hermione, I don't like it. I'm going to do something to her, with or without your help, but you're help would be greatly appreciated," Cho paused. "You don't know how hard it is to ask YOU for help." 

"I can imagine." Hermione frowned. 

"Please help. Remember Harry. With that little ho? That doesn't work. Come on Hermione. Tell you what, if you help me, I'll uh, help you in other things. Like flirting. I'll give you lessons or something like that. COME ON!" Cho pleaded. 

"Me? Need your help? No way!" Hermione laughed. 

"Well I need yours. I'll be in your debt." 

"Why do you need my help?" 

"Because you can become her 'friend'. She'll never expect you." 

"What are you going to do?" 

"I'm making it up as I go along. Now please help." 

"Well," Hermione paused, and thought of Harry. She couldn't deal if he went for the angelic Natalie. "Ok." 

"Good. You won't regret it. Now go to class, bookworm, and, uh, learn stuff," Cho remarked and left. 

*** 

The walk to my Transfiguration was a short one. As soon as Hermione sat down in her seat she felt a hand on her shoulder. "Can I sit here?" Natalie asked, beckoning to the chair next to Hermione. 

"Sure," Hermione said bitterly. 

"You're Hermione, right? That's such a pretty name." Natalie grinned. 

"Uh, thanks," Hermione said rushed. 

"Professor McGonagall teaches this class, right? She was the one who introduced me." 

"Uh huh," Hermione said, not really listening. 

"Harry and Ron are your friends, right? They're really nice." 

"We're best friends," Hermione commented. 

"Really? That's great. I miss some of my friends in San Francisco. Who else are your friends?" Natalie asked. She was being so friendly it was driving Hermione nuts. 

"Uh, well, Harry and Ron are my best friends. Ron's going out with Lavender, and I guess she's my friend. His sister Ginny is my friend, she's a fifth year though. And Neville, but he's a bit forgetful." 

"That's really great," Natalie remarked. "You guys are all so nice! I was really scared that I was going to not know anyone and like end up in the guy's bathroom looking for Herbology!" 

Hermione laughed against her will. " I know, my first week I got lost so many times! This castle is so tricky." 

"Do you play Quidditch?" Harry asked, coming into the conversation. 

"Oh, yeah! I was a chaser a few years ago on my team, but I'm a bit out of practice. I kind of took up swimming. Do you play Quidditch?" 

"Yeah, I'm a seeker." 

"Really? One of my best friends is a seeker. Her name's Lizzie." 

"Cool. Harry's like the best seeker ever, aren't you?" Ron grinned and punched Harry in the arm. 

"Not quite," Harry said. 

"Don't be bashful! You are good," Hermione joked. 

"What about me?" Ron pretended to pout. 

"Ron, you know you're a good keeper. Harry doesn't. He has self-esteem issues." Hermione grinned. 

"Yeah, that's me!" Harry joked. Hermione didn't regret her decision to help Cho then. She liked Harry so much. She felt that Harry would dump Cho eventually after he figured out she was a jerk, but Natalie wasn't a jerk. If he got together with her he might not dump her. Then where would she be? 

*** On the way to the Gryffindor common room they saw Dumbledore leave through one of the front doors to the castle. 

"Now where is he going?" Ron asked. 

"To a funeral," Professor McGonagall said from behind them and made them jump. "An old friend died." 

"Who?" Natalie asked, genuinely concerned. 

"Samantha Calloway. She was a member of Gryffindor about sixty five years ago," McGonagall said. Natalie looked like she had been punched in the stomach. "Did you know her, Natalie?" she asked when she saw tears in Natalie's eyes. 

"Oh, no. That's really sad. My friend died last year, and it was really sad. Poor Professor Dumbledore," Natalie said. Her eyes were watering up. "Um, excuse me," she said and quickly walked off. 

"What's up with her?" Ron asked. 

"I don't know. I'll go and talk to her though, ok?" Hermione offered. 

"All right, Miss Granger. What a sensitive girl," McGonagall remarked, shaking her head. With that Hermione took off in the direction Natalie went in. 

*** "Hermione!" she heard a voice behind her when she was almost to the common room. "Hermione!" It was Cho. 

"What?" 

"I saw that Miss California went in there. We're going to do it now." 

"What now?" Hermione asked. 

"The prank. I just whipped some…" she took out a bottle, "acne juice!" 

"Isn't that a bit immature?" Hermione remarked. 

"It's pretty embarrassing and very unflattering," Cho remarked. Hermione nodded. "All you have to do is get it to touch her bare skin. That's all. Go do it now." 

"Now?" She said meekly. 

"Now." Cho ordered. "GO." 

Hermione obeyed orders and went to see Natalie. She was curled up in a little ball on her bed, crying hard. "Oh, Natalie! What's wrong?" Hermione asked. 

She was crying to hard to answer. Instead she walked up to Hermione and threw her arms around her. Hermione guiltily felt the juice in her pocket. She couldn't do it. Not now. 

When Natalie had finally stopped crying on Hermione's shoulder it had been several minutes. "Thanks Hermione," she said weakly. "I really needed that. You are such a great friend." 

That was it for Hermione. This girl trusted her enough to let her see her cry after four hours of friendship. Hermione hadn't let Harry and Ron see her cry until three years into their friendship. Hermione always ran away rather than let them see her cry. And her she was, ready to do something awful to Natalie on her first day. Hermione walked to the window and threw out the acne juice. 

"What was that?" Natalie asked. 

"Nothing," Hermione answered. "Can I give you some advice? About here and how to survive?" 

"Shoot." 

"Stay away from Cho. She's a real jerk." 

*** 

Coming up, scenes from next week's new Harry's Creek: 

*"No, just away from here!" Harry said. "Hurry!" But it was too late. For at that moment lightning struck. The tree fell right in front of them. And the spiders, giant spiders, started coming. Cho fainted. Hermione backed up and fell over a log. Harry closed his eyes and hoped that death wasn't too bad.* 

A/N: Hey! Thanks for reading, Please review BUT NO FLAMING!!! Constructive Criticism only, ok? Is it not soapy enough, ect. I'm going to have an episode go out every week. This 'season' I'm planning on about eight episodes- a lot! But I love writing and it'll be worth it. 

Disclaimer: Harry and Co. belongs to J.K. Rowling, Scholastic, and Bloomsbery. Not me. Dawson's Creek and Roswell belongs to the WB, along with Max Evans and Liz Parker. Natalie Gellar & Alison Pratts belong to me because I made them up! They would not exist without me! 


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